In your Dreams — Society Marbella

HOW TO BE A MAN’S DREAM WOMAN.

Ladies, I've investigated what it takes to be a man's dream woman in Marbella. Apparently, we've been approaching this all wrong.

Be independent, but never make him
feel unnecessary.

Be intelligent, but allow him to finish explaining things you've been professionally qualified to do since 2008.

Be sexually adventurous, but preferably have the sexual history of a Victorian nun.

Be naturally beautiful. The kind that requires a dermatologist in Marbella, a surgeon and enough maintenance to support a small Spanish village.

But don't look like you've had anything done.

He prefers natural women.

Have your own money, but let him feel like the provider. He's not paying for that table overlooking the Mediterranean just to be treated as an equal.

Be confident, but not intimidating. Successful, but not more successful than him. Funny, but not funnier.

Have boundaries, but make sure they don't interfere with his freedom.

Be emotionally available, but never ask him to discuss his emotions.

He's already said he's fine. What more do you want, a parliamentary inquiry?

Be mysterious, but completely transparent.

Be spontaneous, but predictable.

Be low-maintenance, but look like you require a private wealth manager.

And above all, be his peace.

Which means maintaining the atmosphere of a luxury spa while he contributes the occasional wet towel, unsolicited advice for the housekeeper and a suspiciously active Instagram account.

So, Marbella's dream woman is a financially independent, sexually adventurous, emotionally available supermodel with no sexual history, no inconvenient opinions and absolutely no expectations.

Preferably with excellent tits and no follow-up questions.

And the most important requirement?

She must genuinely believe she's the lucky one.

HOW TO BE A WOMAN’S DREAM MAN.

Gentlemen, after investigating the requirements for a man's dream woman, it's only fair to examine what women expect in return. Understanding NASA might be easier.

Be masculine. Strong. Decisive.
A natural leader.

But never tell her what to do.

Take charge. Make plans.
Book the restaurant.

But choose the one she was already thinking of. The one she hasn't mentioned.

Be financially successful, but not obsessed with work. Earn enough for the Marbella lifestyle, but be home by six, emotionally available and preferably holding a reservation at Nobu.

Be emotionally intelligent.
Express your feelings.

But not feelings that require her to cancel brunch.

Be confident, but not arrogant. Protective, but not possessive.

A little jealous, because it
shows you care.

But not actually jealous. That's controlling.

Surprise her with a romantic weekend away. Check her calendar, her hair appointment and whether she's currently focusing on herself.

And for God's sake, don't book Ryanair.

Notice when she's had her hair done.
Tell her she looks absolutely stunning.

But be careful not to imply she looked any less stunning before.

And don't say she looks the same.

It's a €350 minefield, gentlemen.

Never mention her weight.

Unless she's lost weight.

But don't imply there was weight to lose.

Good luck with that one.

When she says she's fine, investigate. When she says “Do whatever you want”, understand you've entered a legally complicated situation with no witnesses.

Be good in bed, but don't appear too experienced. Nobody wants to know where you learned all that.

Essentially, she wants James Bond's confidence, a therapist's emotional intelligence, a billionaire's bank account and a golden retriever's loyalty.

With the communication skills of a woman.

I'm beginning to understand why so many Marbella men have taken up golf.

At least there, when something goes wrong, they're allowed to swear at it.